b*ponders :: small, needy, loved

I’m not sure when it happened, but somewhere in the span of my two week trip to Sedona, I became absolutely convinced of my utter smallness. The hugeness of the landscape filled me with a sense of awe. VAST is just one word to describe the vistas in every direction.

The grandeur of my natural surroundings, coupled with my inner struggle and desperation resulted in what I would call a perfect storm. I felt like a speck of sand under a wide, blue sky.

Have you ever considered your smallness? Have you ever thought about your complete dependence on the Creator of the universe? Have you pondered the fact that you can do nothing on your own? Think about it. Every breath is a miracle. We can no sooner control the blood pumping through our veins or the breath in our lungs , than we can control the orbit of the earth around the sun. And yet, we so often forget this fact. We get busy, self-important and confident in our own abilities. We become self-reliant and convinced of our own capability. Like ants carrying bits of dust, we scurry about the earth on a frantic mission to build our own little kingdoms. We forget that we are tiny, helpless and completely needy creatures.

Recognizing smallness is the beginning of humility. And humility inevitably and invariably leads to dependence on God. When we admit that we are dependent on Him, things begin to change.

The conviction of my own smallness brought me to my knees. I found myself praying and praying often. I wasn’t speaking the eloquent prayers of a preacher. I was uttering my desperate need. I was honestly crying out to God, begging for help, direction, and hope. Prayers bubbled up within me, spilling out of my heart. I was surprised to find myself feeling like God was near. Not far off, but close. Like in this quote from A Praying Life, I was learning the simplicity of communication with God.

There is nothing secret about communion with God. If we live a holy life before God, broken of our price and self-will, crying out for grace, there will be communion with God. It really is that simple.

Since my return, I’ve found prayer to be the air I breath. When I’m driving, showering, making breakfast or falling asleep, I’m talking to God. I’m being honest with him. I’m asking my Heavenly Father for grace and guidance, for stuff I need, for friends who are hurting. And in the midst of all of it, I feel less anxious, less worried, less fearful. I feel secure in the love of Father. I am resting in the knowledge that I am utterly small, completely needy, and yet indescribably loved.

  1. Kim from 3 peanuts says:

    What a beautiful post. Perfect for Easter week and just what I needed to hear right now.

  2. Miia says:

    Thanks for posting this. I have also found that talking itself reveals. Answers are sometimes more unobvious, but talking the worries out helps.

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